Celebrity News & Updates: 12 questions we have about Tom Daley's new diving show, Splash!

Quite… quite a few unanswered questions about the new Tom Daley show Splash!, because in between Tom making a spectacularly assured TV presenting debut and offering some heartwarmingly good advice to the celebrities participating, there was chaos. Diving chaos. "Some people are scared of heights," Tom said himself. "Some people are scared of water. Some people are scared of going in head first." And yet still, somehow, it was commissioned. There were slo-mo hi-fives. There was a really bizarre palate of judges on the panel. The celebrities who were not good at diving had to dive into the water at the end of the show to signify that they were no longer participating in the show. And yet still it was amazing. We've watched it again (again), and here are 12 little questions that crossed our mind while we were doing so.

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1. Did nobody tell Gabby Logan and Vernon Kay how much screaming would be happening?

Because we don't think anybody told Gabby Logan and Vernon Kay how much screaming would be happening. Every time either one of them said "Tom Daley" or "live from Luton", the entire crowd – some of whom had been camping out since 5am – went beserk. The things Omid Djalili in a waterproof tunic can do to the female mind.

2. Does Jo Brand even know how she qualified to judge diving?

"I've always been a very keen swimmer," says Jo Brand. "And I did sort of spring board diving as a child, as a teenager?" Brilliant. Well, no further credentials necessary, Jo. Please put this wireless mic on and make fart jokes into it.

3. Leon isn't really a very good 'evil judge', is he?

Every show needs its Dark Lord Cowell, its Gardner's Hairline. Splash! has diving robot Leon Taylor. "I'm difficult to please," he said, blandly, in his opening VT. Then he said he almost cried at the emotional power of Helen Lederer's belly flop. "I'm almost crying," he said, without crying. "Yeah, I'm crying." He still wasn't crying. Why did he say he was crying?

Let's talk for a moment about Vernon Kay's shorts: No. Let's talk in a little more detail about Vernon Kay's shorts: No Vernon, no shorts. Why are you wearing shorts, mate. It's i. January and ii. You're 38 years old. Trousers next week, Verno. Slacks please.

5. Do the celebrities really need 55 seconds of run-up?

We timed it, we just timed it. It took Jade Ewen 55 seconds to take a dressing gown off and then Baywatch run up the steps of a diving board. Do that for every celebrity and you're looking at seven minutes of air time which is just them running. And that digs into vital 'Tom Daley topless' time.

6. How do we convince Splash!'s slo-mo hi-five cameraman to follow us around forever?

We don't ever want to do a hi-five at normal speed ever again.

WHAT DARK MAGIC CAN KEEP A FULL FACE OF MAKE-UP ON A FACE WHILE SAID FACE JUMPS FROM FIVE METRES INTO WATER WHEN A SIMPLE LYCRA UNITARD CAN'T KEEP PAMELA ANDERSON'S WAPS FROM FALLING OUT ON DANCING ON ICE.

8. Does a Saturday night TV show about Tom Daley being topless really need a sob story?

"He's a brave man, he's a really brave man," said Vernon Kay, as Jake Canuso legitimately almost cried because he wasn't sure whether the butterfly plaster on his nose would stay on while he was diving. The butterfly plaster on his nose stayed on, everybody. Deep sighs of relief, over at our end.

The 'Splash! Dive Crew' performed some sort of fully-clothed James Bond homage which was like a fever dream in the middle of a Butlins holiday. It was weird. It was weird. And not one of them put pyjamas on to retrieve a brick from the bottom of the pool for their diving badge.